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  • Writer's pictureLauren Walsh

Single ladies are asking how to build trust after heartbreak?

Many people ask me how they are supposed to build trust again after heartbreak. After getting burned so bad and let down in the dating world and in relationships. How are they supposed to be able to show up on dates again and be trusting of new people? answer probably isn't what you expected... but... you don't.

Stay with me so I can make this make sense. (It's not bad I promise!)

The memories of you getting hurt don't vanish. You don't develop Amnesia. You don't become more trusting and you don't let your guard down any faster. In fact, it's quite the opposite, especially in the beginning stages of dating someone.

However, this does not mean that you remain burnout and bitter when dating.

No matter how horrible the heartbreak, betrayal or whatever occurred was, you learned something from that. In fact, you learn the most valuable lessons from people and experiences that destroyed you the most (and if you haven't, you have some reflecting to do).

I, along with many others have called those things "wounds"..."emotional wounds".. etc. Something I'm trying right now is to call them "wisdom" instead, at least sometimes. Because that's really what it is. It's knowledge that you now have.

And so you take that wisdom with you on your journey and you use it to guide you away from those that are aligning with your past lessons and toward what you really want.

When I go on a date now, I don't go into it thinking that the guy is going to the one for me. That he's going to be different than the rest or that some great long lasting thing is going to come from it.

I also don't go into it thinking negatively either, like it's only a matter of time before he shows his true colors or that everything that comes out of his mouth is probably a lie.

I go feeling wiser from the lessons learned in my past heartbreak hell. I show up relaxed, with an open mind and to explore if this person is someone I'd like to get to know more.

If the answer is yes, great. I'll take my time getting to know him and never stop pouring into myself. That way, if it doesn't work out, I'll be disappointed, not devastated because my value isn't in his hands.

Sounds like such a lovely, ideal state to be in right?

The truth is, the key to actually getting to this place is to have committed to your own healing journey and choosing to take action with nourishing all parts of you. Mind, body & soul. That's when you truly make a transformation.

Without a doubt, committing to that transformation was the best decision I ever made for myself.

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